I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
