Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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