True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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