New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize