If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Randomize
