I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
