I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just want to make out with him forever
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
