I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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