even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
