Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
