Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize