I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
