sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
