I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
