ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
