Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
