He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
