I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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