I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
