he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
