im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
