so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
