I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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