My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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