I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
my poor anus
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
