I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
PANTIES FOUND
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