My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
