He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
