if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
