i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
