Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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