i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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