You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
