So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You ruined the universe
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
