I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
