i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
