$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
