I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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