The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
