I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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