we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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