Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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