she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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