Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
His nipple licking is glorious
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