ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
