cat food counts as protein by the way
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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