i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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