Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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