Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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