I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
