Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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