I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
