i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
