I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
So. Much. Porn.
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