i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
