I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she peed on how many people?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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