Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
