He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
