Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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