Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
