Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
