This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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