dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
