I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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