I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
