how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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