Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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