roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
